|
#911: DEVIL FISH
|
 |
| 
Made in 1984, originally titled Shark rosso nell'oceano, alternately
titled Devouring Waves, Red Ocean, and Monster Shark. I believe that by
giving the film four alternate titles, the producers meant to capitalize
on the public's pandemic fear of sea-borne hell-spawn. I know I won't
soon go swimming with poorly dubbed Italians.
When a gabby, death-deserving couple is consumed whole by an off-screen
leviathan, the thin, plucky dolphin teaser Dr. Stella Dickens is brought
in to investigate. The creature is hunted by the thin, continually
beered-up Dr. West, who discovers a creature of such power and immensity
that the film's budget can't ever provide a good shot of it. Sensing
they're in over their heads, the pair turn to the thin, tan beautifully
stupid TV repair man Peter (in this film pronounced "pee-der"). But
wait, it seems that the monster is the produce of a
super-mega-uber-corporation run by a Rula Lenska look-alike and a Bill
Blass look-alike. Embroiled in an empty marriage, Rula has partnered
with another Euro-dope who has engineered this monster in order to rule
the sea. Their savagely stupid idea comes unraveled quicker than a
Belva Plain novel, and as you might guess, ends in bloodshed.
Ultimately, confusingly and boringly, the monster is lured into the
everglades and set ablaze, along with most of the everglades. There is
so much more, but to devote additional typing energy to the plot would
be self-injurious.
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| 
Prologue:
Mike suddenly has found himself without an identity, pursued
by agents of a secret government project who have wiped every record of
his existence from the face of the earth, and now he's on the run...until
servo and crow find his wallet for him, and then everything's okay.
Segment One:
In true sit-com predicament style, Bobo, Brain Guy and
Pearl have to pretend the Castle is a cruise ship. Mike and the Bots
make ice sculptures: Servo puts his ice in gin and tonic, Crow makes a
huge replica of Michelangelo's David, and Mike tries to weld his. Heh,
heh. Our own Patrick and Beez star as the cruise ship couple.
Segment Two:
After taunting Dolphins for being dumb, Mike and Co. are
besieged by a stunningly advanced Dolphin spaceship, and they recant
every bad thing they said about dolphins. We learn that most dolphins
are named "Blowie".
Segment Three:
An electrician comes to the SOL to effect repair, and
Mike taunts him. Accordingly, the giant dolphin spaceship comes to the
electrician's aid. We learn that dolphins have a strategic alliance
with electricians. This is absolutely true, don't doubt it.
Segment Four:
Pearl has created a device to make Mike and the Bots
appear more Italian to the naked eye, in what might be our most
culturally insensitive sketch to date.
Segment Five:
In Castle Forrester, Pearl can barely hold her cruise ship
scam together, with Bobo as captain. Bobo blows a cog, erupts in a
violent hail of breakfast cereal and must be darted several times to
calm him down. A special nod to Bill Corbett for his portrayal of Brain
Guy portraying Isaac from The Love Boat.
Stinger:
Beery Doctor West says "I knowww!" Man, that's laugh-out-loud
funny.
|
|
|
|
|
Our own Peter Rudrud has been plugging his ears each time we pass and
cry out "Pee-derrrr!" Boy is that fun to do. Try it on your friends!
You'll find it works best on people named "Peter", but what the hell,
let it loose on your Gramma, or your parole officer.
It is a film like
this that gives us license to Euro-bash until the sun goes down. Here we
have represented Italy, England, Sweden, Germany, and I believe Andorra.
Mix these together in Florida, with a cast and crew which collectively
speak enough English to purchase Budweiser and Moon Pies, give them
skimpy bathing suits and a bunch of camera equipment and you will
naturally produce enough Euro-bashing cannon fodder to last at least two
decades. What we do is as natural as your own hair.
Please click here and enjoy this music
while you read the next paragraph.
And finally,
a salute to whatever PR officer signed the Coast Guard up to bend WAY
over and take it in the Stokes Basket for this film. It seems that a
full compliment of Coast Guard helicopters was made available to this
production without even a faint hint of mob involvement. So the next
time I make a pathetic European movie involving stupid rubber monsters
terrorizing our waterways, I'll know who to call! Semper Paratus!
Your Humble Servant,
- Kevin Murphy
|
|
|
|
|
