We start in Ireland where William Sylvester runs a salvage operation. You'll remember Mr. Sylvester from his performance as the plank of wood in 2001: A Space Odyssey and as the generous portion of spiral-cut ham in our own Riding with Death. Volcanic activity causes a strange island to emerge off the Irish coast, nearly destroying the ship and ending the film before it starts. We are not so lucky. Sylvester -- or "Sly" as I like to call him -- and his mate Joe put in at a small bitter seaport filled with contrary Gaelic icthyophiles and a harbor master who looks a LOT like Samuel Beckett. They become embroiled in a subplot that goes nowhere and makes Finneganðs Wake look terse and lucid, and befriend a wee laddie who in this film replaces the characteristic uberkinder prevalent in Japanese monster films.

Somewhere about three hours into the film, Gorgo appears, cute little bugger, and is quickly and impossibly captured by Sly and Joe and the little Irish kid and brought to London to become an attraction in a circus run by a man with the delightfully provocative name of Dorkin. Ah, but we find that Gorgo himself is a child, and his Mom, Gorgette I guess, flattens whole city blocks and murders countless millions on her way to a sweet reunion with her adorable spawn.

Filmed loudly and badly, Gorgo still brought us joy in the opportunity to go on and on about things which are Dorkin!

Leonard Maltin was very nice and sweet and a real pro when he did our show. He learned his lines quickly, had an instant rapport with Mary Jo, and rolled with many changes that came along. He is a charming, affable, thoroughly professional man. Too bad he gave Gorgo three stars, the dope.

Now on to Gorgo. It intrigues me to note that Steven Spielberg and Michael Crichton based their movie on the notion of a giant prehistoric monster smashing a city to bits while finding its offspring. But it only intrigues me for about a minute, then I work up a good belch and I feel better.

- Kevin Murphy