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#817: Horror of Party Beach
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Doughty 1960's seagoing polluters dump rusty casks filled with
radioactive waste into the ocean. The spill is immediate, as is the
effect: a long-submerged human skeleton turns into a monster with many odd
tubes protruding where its mouth should be. (Surrounding fish remain
unaffected).
Meanwhile, on the beach, a convention of old teenagers bare their aging
bodies and enjoy the really pretty good songs of a band called the
Del-Aires. As sinewy men dance and wiggle their pelvi far too
enthusiastically, a motorcycle gang arrives; a girl flirts with a gang
member, and a fight ensues. The girl, angry at the loss of focus on her
perfectly innocent striptease, swims out to a tiny island and is eaten.
A whole townload of fleshy cops and scientists, moving with the quick
precision of a school of groupers, wake slowly to the possibility that
they have a problem. When a whole slumber party's worth of girls is eaten
these guys really begin working feverishly, and before too many weeks have
passed they discover they have no idea what's going on. Eulabelle, a
scientist's happy servant (those were the days, huh?), helps these stupid
white men realize the monsters can be killed with sodium.
Which, basically, is what happens, after way too long a time. There's
also a romance sub- plot, which concludes with two normal people beginning
a normal life together.
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Prologue:
Servo is a Gyuto Monk, and achieve multi-layers of his own
chanting voice.
Segment One:
Pearl and Observer must convince Callipygeas and Flavia they're gods, so
Observer produces a spoon and then a bigger spoon. Flavia sees Pearl talking to the robots,
and remarks on the average-looking man-god, the golden spider duck, and the squat crimson
pig.
Segment Two:
Mike's trunks that the 'Bots made him for the "manly beach dance" are a
trifle small.
Segment Three:
Still trying to convince their hosts of their god-dom, Pearl and Observer
make some old-fashioned hoe-down music. Observer begins talk-singing about "Beef!"
Segment Four:
Impressed with the ever-changing newspaper headlines in the movie, Servo
irritates Mike with his own version, with headlines reflecting what's happening at that
moment.
Segment Five:
Dressed as the Del-Aires, Mike and the 'Bots sing of sodium. Flavia and Pearl
insult each other, a lot and viciously.
Stinger: The dancing on the beach, with eyes drawn to semi-nude sinewy fellow.
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The Del-Aires gradually seduced us all with their playing ability, song-writing talents, and wry
self-aware dorkiness. I mean it - they were a darn good band, and if anybody out there knows
anything about them we'd be interested.
Reflexively, of course, we made fun of them anyway. Sorry.
This movie could be viewed as an allegory on the dangers of over-regulation. Sure, the
dumping of radioactive waste would seem to be a bad thing, especially since it resulted in
hellish monsters that ate people. And yet, didn't the free market stand ready to correct this
mistake? Weren't there an endless array of sodium supply houses, efficiently providing
exactly the stuff needed to kill the creatures? Who's to say that stifling regulations against
waste dumping wouldn't result - albeit indirectly - in even more deaths, what with the loss of
jobs and innovation?
The leading man, Hank, seemed genetically compelled to verbalize the name "Eulabelle" with
a plantation owner's resonance and southern patois. Sadly, it was the only time he ever put
any sort of spin on anything he said.
- Paul
Chaplin
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