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#815: Agent for H.A.R.M.
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Ah yes, it's the Sixties again, and studly secret agents are running all over the
place, proud and free. The eponymous "Agent For H.A.R.M." is one Adam
Chance, a joyless fellow who favors yellow cardigan sweaters and looks like Dr.
Smith's less effeminate younger brother. Chance is assigned to protect one Dr.
Jan Steffanic, a scientist recently defected from a vague Iron Curtain
country
(remember them?). Turns out Steffanic is on the cutting edge of some wacko
technology which shoots "spores" at people, turning them into quivering
masses of green-grey fungus - quite a disgusting little fate, as you might
imagine.
Dr. Steffanic also has a frequently-bikini-ed niece, who is
certifiably
hot. And though she is easily 25 years younger than Chance (really, when has
that ever mattered in the world of movies?), they become entangled. They
survive an onslaught of fey, mincing Euro-bad guys, one of whom is the artist
known as Prince. Turns out the niece - like most alluring women in these kind of
movies - is Evil and not to be trusted. She is exposed as a double agent for the
Commies, and then the movie mercifully ends.
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Prologue:
The 'Bots are really into Extreme Sports, man. Doesn't matter what, as long as
it's extreme and you can yell really loud while doing it. This includes Extreme
Yoga and Extreme Stamp Collecting. They berate Mike for being so un-Extreme.
Segment One:
Mike is whisked away from the SOL by a mysterious Intergalactic Judge to stand
trial for his recent rash of world-destroying. Bobo is appointed his defense
attorney. Pearl, of course, is the prosecutor.
Segment Two:
Pearl and Bobo's opening statements. Bobo gets very off-track, digressing mostly
into ruminations about food. Mike feels doomed.
Segment Three:
The 'Bots supply video testimony to the court. Servo mistakes his with a T.V.
telethon; Crow sinks Mike's boat even further with a barrage of bleeped
obscenities.
Segment Four:
Servo searches for a legal precedent that might help Mike. Meanwhile down in the
courtroom, the Observer testifies, adding weight to Pearl's case. But then he's
craftily trapped in a lie about baking pies by Bobo, who knows his pies if he
knows anything.
Segment Five:
The 'Bots hold a candlelight vigil for Mike on the SOL. Meanwhile, Pearl calls
her final witness, Ortega, who is sealing Mike's doom. Then Bobo counters with
a little Amish boy, and all heck breaks loose. Finally the verdict from the
Judge: Mike is guilty! And is sentenced to death! ...But this is quickly commuted
to community service. Back on the SOL, the 'Bots are not shy in making Mike
get right to it, cleaning up the mess they made while he was away.
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The generic-sixties-spy movie theme from Agent for H.A.R.M. provided us all with
yet another vehicle to torture each other's already embattled psyches around here
at Best Brains - it was sung and hummed at top volume for weeks, ultimately
hurting everyone involved, I think.
This show had several milestones in it, if you're into that kinda thing. It
marked the directorial debut of one Michael "Antonioni" Nelson, who did
an excellent job despite the pretentious on-set wardrobe of jodhpurs and riding
crop. Mike had a tough first assignment with our extended courtroom scenario,
which was a trip into the unfamiliar for all of us - but came through with
flying colors (or more appropriately, with flying black and white). It was
also the first show where the voice of Gypsy was supplied by our own set-and-prop
genius Patrick Brantseg, filling Jim Mallon's big shoes extraordinarily well, and
wielding the often-unwieldy Gypsy like a pro.
I also think Mary Jo and Kevin reached new heights of funny for Pearl and Bobo
in the host segments, as attorneys for the prosecution and defense, respectively.
Our brilliant editor Brad Keeley turned in a Cable Ace-worthy comic
performance as the little Amish boy, challenging our collective ability to keep a
collective straight face while taping. I played the intergalactic judge, and
though my voice changed accents and octaves in every segment, it was,
technically, supposed to be only one consistent character - although when Brain
Guy took the stand, Paul sat in as the Judge. This is noticeable on
not-so-close scrutiny, since I weigh roughly four times what Paul does, and it
shows in the face.
- Bill
Corbett
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