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Movie: Blood Waters Of Dr. Z:
Welcome to the wacky wonderful world of
Dr. Z, a bitter nutball of a scientist who lives in Florida and
- what else? - oh yeah, he wants to turn himself into a giant
man-fish. Why, you ask? In addition to the usual reasons people
do this, Dr. Z wants to "get revenge on his friends" - at least
that's how the John Prine-like folk song at the beginning of the
movie explains the premise. Apparently he was denied tenure
and/or permission to use humans as experimental subjects. So
quite logically, he goes the giant man-fish route, intending to
lead an army of squirmy walking catfish on to world conquest.
Wouldn't you, if you found yourself in his position? Be honest,
now.
Anyway, after some very long expositional voice-over monologues,
Dr. Z - who is never identified by that name in the movie -
succeeds in turning into a man-fish by stripping down to his
lumpy boxer shorts and immersing himself into an indoor tank
full of icky, mad-scientist treated water. The elaborate
level-and-pulley system he uses to dunk himself in the water
shows that he has thought this through well, and is quite
serious about being a man-fish. It's not the kind of thing one
should take lightly, is what the movie seems to be saying.
He succeeds in turning into a man-fish, though he seems
temporarily disheartened that his dreamed-of resemblance to a
catfish wasn't achieved. These are the kind of disappointments
that stop other mad scientists cold, wallowing in their own
self-pity for weeks. But damn it if Dr. Z doesn't just pull
himself up by his shin-fins and keep his eye on the prize,
whatever that is. In no time he is swimming around mucky lagoons
spraying ZaAt, a compound which will - what? Turn fish into
half-men? Make them bigger, more aggressive? Give them opposable
thumbs and a taste for Geno's Pizza Rolls? You'll have to ask
him. In any case, he at least seems to have prioritized his work
nicely with a large paper wheel which functions as his Franklin
Day Planner: full of nice homemade graphics, notes to himself,
and done in suitably large magic marker. His sketches of
victims-to-be show that Dr. Z. most likely graduated from one of
those matchbox art correspondence schools.
So once the spraying is done, he checks the wheel and moves on
to his next two goals. First on his "to-do wheel" is to kill two
former colleagues who doubted his work. Mad scientists, as you
probably know, have famously thin skins and shaky ego
boundaries. This murdering he does with great dispatch, though
no particular elegance - just a couple of pimps slaps by his
be-clawed hand, and those who have wronged him go down hard. And
probably a little embarrassed.
But he also wants a fish-lady queen. Yup, our man wants to
spawn, baby. Hell, who doesn't? But rather than hitting Florida
singles bars, where his fishy visage might not make him much of
a chick magnet, he kidnaps a busty bikinied blonde and tries to
make her into Mrs. Fish. Alas, he kills her by accident. These
things happen, to be sure - ask Kevin sometime about some of his
similar mishaps - but from here Dr. Z is really off his game,
and the to-do wheel stands in mute irony as his plans go
ker-flooey.
I forgot to mention - there are other humans in this film, or at
least pale simulacrums thereof. There's a redneck sheriff
working with a black scientist who is almost ridiculously
patient with his racist innuendo; then two other bland jump
suited white scientists who join the hunt for Fish-Guy halfway
through the movie. (Note: people who habitually wear jumpsuits
are always suspect, in my book.) The white guy just rides around
on the runner of a truck sticking a microphone out; the white
girl almost undresses but doesn't and is eventually captured by
our buddy Dr. Z as his new Fish-Lady-Queen-Honey-Babe. In the
end everyone's dead or dying, especially us.
— Bill Corbett
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Prologue:
Crow takes up chewing tobacco, spitting big gooey wads of it
into an array of pop cans -- and then, to our horror, into
Mike's shoe.
Segment 1:
Servo accidentally drinks out of Crow's pop cans full of
tobacco-ey spittle, further ruining our dinners.
Down in the castle, Pearl performs an experiment in withholding
love to the SOL. Servo and Mike feel no difference, but Crow
panics until they get back the symbols of her
love--lemon-flavored gin, hot pads, a pawn shop receipt for a
shotgun, etc .
Segment 2:
Crow, hiding in the rafters, taunts and threatens Mike a la Dr.
Z's voiceover monologue. Mike, trying to polish his shoes, is
mostly annoyed. And then of course, as per tradition, Crow falls
down.
Segment 3:
Inspired by the fishing scenes in the movie, Mike and 'Bots
orbit over Bass Lake, trying to catch some sunnies. Nice day for
it, after all. Mike catches one and reels him waaaaaay up from
Earth. Unfortunately, the fish freezes in the upper atmosphere
and goes through explosive decompression. Gotta throw 'im back,
yah. Yer gonna see dat.
Segment 4:
Disappointed by the movie's teasing shots of women starting to
take off clothes and then not doing it, Servo and Crow try to
convince a skeptical Mike that any movie scene is better off
with nudity. To demonstrate, they enlist Brain Guy and Bobo into
performing a scene from Glengarry Glen Ross, starkers. Needless
to say, it does not make their case.
Segment 5:
Taking a cue from Dr. Z's neat, portable ZaAt cases, Servo and
Crow show Mike a variety of handy plastic food carrying cases,
in just the right sizes and shapes. They explain it to him long,
long after he's gotten the point.
Down in Castle Forrester, Pearl has invented a Mer-Monkey, using
a giant grouper, a Sawzall, and a Bobo. Seeing that Bobo now
attracts lonely rugged sailor men, she decides she will be
become half-grouper herself, enter mermaidenhood, and get some
old salt action.
Stinger:
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I had a slight fondness for this movie,
not as a movie per se, of course, but as fodder for that
particular little thing we had going, many years ago. (Well, a
month and a half ago, as I write this...) It seemed to have lots
of the things that make for a good solid day of MST-ing: a
pompous mad scientist; a ridiculous, badly costumed monster; a
fat redneck sheriff; a few vapid good-looking heroes; and a nice
silly theme song. At least compared to some of the others we
watched for Season 10, this seemed benign.
The most memorable host segment for me, based on the experience,
was Segment 4, Bobo and Brain Guy's nude scene. One technical
note: it was always a challenge for our brilliant director of
photography, Jeff Stonehouse, to light scenes with both Bobo and
Brain Guy, as their colors were so aggressively different. After
Season Eight, we made some adjustments with make-up and masks so
that Brain Guy wasn't wearing clown white but a slightly more
flesh-colored white; and Bobo was given a somewhat lighter face
mask. So that helped. But once "nude" - what with Brain Guy's
pasty torso (and for the sharp of eye, actual purple nipples -
eeewwww!) and Bobo's dark full body ape suit - the challenge was
back, and worse than ever. So poor Bobo was almost invisibly
black.
Leaving Brain Guy all too visible. My god, I apologize! None of
you did anything to deserve that. I'm so sorry.
— Bill Corbett
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