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Movie: Soultaker:
In a time and place much like our own, only it's the Eighties, a
balding J.D. named Brad picks up a dreamy guy whose full name, I
happen to have just noticed, is Zachary Taylor, the same as our
twelfth president. Everyone calls him Zack, though, and he's not
very presidential, but he is dreamy, I'll give him that.
Zachary Taylor and Brad pick up goofy eunuch Tommy and head off
to a summer festival in town. A real looker named Natalie
(Vivian Schiller, who also wrote the screenplay) arrives
separately and begins seeking out Zack. Zack does the same in
return, despite the strenuous objections of trusted advisor
Brad, who proclaims Natalie a rich bit*h and too good for Zack.
When Natalie's stranded by her friend (who fulfills her female
role by heading off with the first male who crosses her line of
sight), Zack, Natalie, Brad, Tommy, and a goofy girl pile into
Brad's car and that is when the movie really starts.
See, I haven't even mentioned yet that we've also seen Joe
Estevez and Robert Z'Dar appear and disappear at odd intervals
all this time. They're Angels of Death. They appear, point at
our protagonists, and then Joe walks out in front of Brad's
speeding car and causes an accident! Everybody's dead! Or are
they? NO!
Oh, it gets complicated. Estevez tries to take their
post-accident souls, and can't get Tommy's and Natalie's and
Zack's; that's because they're not dead! Wow! Instead, they
wander invisibly, trying to figure out what the hell is going
on, pursued by Estevez, who's egged on by a clearly irritated
Z'Dar, and it's all made more complex by Estevez believing he
knew Natalie in a past life - or is that the point, we're not
sure, maybe she really does just look like someone; and the
exact physics of the whole scheme become murkier and murkier and
Estevez tries everything but can't get the job done. He is a
terrible Angel of Death. I mean I'm no expert, but come on.
He even tries becoming Natalie's mom - have I mentioned these
guys are shape-shifters? - and that leads to some weird
incestuous lesbian implications that I don't think the movie's
makers really meant to get into, but they wrote themselves into
it and it's kinda creepy.
Natalie and Zack end up okay, helped a little by new Angel of
Death Brad. That's really all you need to know. Tommy doesn't
make it. And I ask, along with you: who was Tommy again?
— Paul Chaplin
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Prologue:
Crow and Servo hold a wet t-shirt contest. They put some
t-shirts in pans of water and can't see what the big deal is. At
the end, after Mike says "we'll be right back," nothing happens
for a bit. Hm.
Segment 1:
Upon returning, an a image of Martin Van Buren appears suddenly,
followed by an image of Martin Van Buren mixed with that of a
gesturing, muffled man, a fellow sharp-eyed viewers might
recognize. When Gypsy turns unusually vulgar, all realize that
something is wrong, and they appeal to Pearl. Pearl doesn't
care, and only sends them the movie. The theater doors don't
work at first.
Segment 2:
Gypsy announces that a mysterious ship is keeping pace with the
SOL and stalks off crabbily. Mike tries to take control, and
fails. "Um - shields up!" (There are no shields.) He breaks the
hexfield.
Segment 3:
The SOL suddenly begins plummeting, out of control, death is
certain. Mike appeals to Pearl, but havoc reigns in the castle
as a hooded figure tries to take Bobo's soul. The Soultaker
turns out to be TV's Frank, who is in fact dead and is working
as an Angel of Death. He explains he was in Second Banana Heaven
for a while, "but it was so political up there - Pat Buttram had
it in for me right from the start!" Pearl and Frank have a great
time catching up and insulting Brain Guy. The SOL's nosedive
stops - they've been saved by a beam from the mysterious ship.
Segment 4:
Crow and Tom wonder about the mysterious ship, terrified. "Who
are you!!!?" cries Crow; the doors open and Joel Robinson
appears. Turns out Joel discovered that Dr. Forrester had rigged
the ship to self-destruct after ten years, and he came to fix
it. Everybody's happy and they all get reacquainted. Joel
comments that Crow's voice sounds different, and ascribes it to
a new bowling pin. He explains that after he crash-landed in
Australia he worked for the band Man Or Astroman for a while,
doing pyrotechnics; now he manages a Hot Fish Shop in Osseo.
Mike appears and is very impressed with Joel's new job, but is
depressed he can't take the overnight cook job, being stuck in
space and all. Joel cheers him up.
Segment 5:
Joel's about done. He explains a few problems he's found,
including some gunk from when Mike tried to patch something with
strips of bacon. They check in at the castle and discover Frank,
who says that Joel's soul is on his list, so he's going to need
that - "you know, when you get a minute." Joel leaves,
proclaiming he can't take Mike and the 'Bots because the time he
spent on the SOL "made a man outta me and maybe, just maybe,
it'll make a man out of you too." Mike is grateful. In the
castle, Frank needs a soul, and finally agrees to take Bobo's.
Bobo and Frank play ring-toss with Bobo's soul.
Stinger:
Natalie's mom (AKA Joe Estevez) stares quizzically though an
open door.
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A major show, to say the least.
Obviously I should explain a little about the "Hot Fish Shop."
The only Hot Fish Shop I know of was, until very recently,
located along Highway 61 in Winona, Minnesota, on the
Mississippi. A local landmark, it closed just weeks ago, in fact
possibly on the very day this show aired for the first time. I
wonder.
Having Joel and Frank around for a few days was cool. I got to
sit with Joel just like the old days and run lines with him. We
actually did some rewriting as he was getting his makeup done. I
like Joel. He's weird, which results in his being funny.
— Paul Chaplin
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