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Movie: Devil Fish:
Made in 1984, originally titled Shark rosso nell'oceano,
alternately titled Devouring Waves, Red Ocean, and Monster
Shark. I believe that by giving the film four alternate titles,
the producers meant to capitalize on the public's pandemic fear
of sea-borne hell-spawn. I know I won't soon go swimming with
poorly dubbed Italians.
When a gabby, death-deserving couple is consumed whole by an
off-screen leviathan, the thin, plucky dolphin teaser Dr. Stella
Dickens is brought in to investigate. The creature is hunted by
the thin, continually beered-up Dr. West, who discovers a
creature of such power and immensity that the film's budget
can't ever provide a good shot of it. Sensing they're in over
their heads, the pair turn to the thin, tan beautifully stupid
TV repair man Peter (in this film pronounced "pee-der"). But
wait, it seems that the monster is the product of a super-mega-uber-corporation
run by a Rula Lenska look-alike and a Bill Blass look-alike.
Embroiled in an empty marriage, Rula has partnered with another
Euro-dope who has engineered this monster in order to rule the
sea. Their savagely stupid idea comes unraveled quicker than a
Belva Plain novel, and as you might guess, ends in bloodshed.
Ultimately, confusingly and boringly, the monster is lured into
the everglades and set ablaze, along with most of the
everglades. There is so much more, but to devote additional
typing energy to the plot would be self-injurious.
— Kevin Murphy
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Prologue:
Mike suddenly has found himself without an identity, pursued by
agents of a secret government project who have wiped every
record of his existence from the face of the earth, and now he's
on the run...until servo and crow find his wallet for him, and
then everything's okay.
Segment 1:
In true sit-com predicament style, Bobo, Brain Guy and Pearl
have to pretend the Castle is a cruise ship. Mike and the Bots
make ice sculptures: Servo puts his ice in gin and tonic, Crow
makes a huge replica of Michelangelo's David, and Mike tries to
weld his. Heh, heh. Our own Patrick and Beez star as the cruise
ship couple.
Segment 2:
After taunting Dolphins for being dumb, Mike and Co. are
besieged by a stunningly advanced Dolphin spaceship, and they
recant every bad thing they said about dolphins. We learn that
most dolphins are named "Blowie".
Segment 3:
An electrician comes to the SOL to effect repair, and Mike
taunts him. Accordingly, the giant dolphin spaceship comes to
the electrician's aid. We learn that dolphins have a strategic
alliance with electricians. This is absolutely true, don't doubt
it.
Segment 4:
Pearl has created a device to make Mike and the Bots appear more
Italian to the naked eye, in what might be our most culturally
insensitive sketch to date.
Segment 5:
In Castle Forrester, Pearl can barely hold her cruise ship scam
together, with Bobo as captain. Bobo blows a cog, erupts in a
violent hail of breakfast cereal and must be darted several
times to calm him down. A special nod to Bill Corbett for his
portrayal of Brain Guy portraying Isaac from The Love Boat.
Stinger:
Beery Doctor West says "I knowww!" Man, that's laugh-out-loud
funny.
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Our own Peter Rudrud has been plugging
his ears each time we pass and cry out "Pee-derrrr!" Boy is that
fun to do. Try it on your friends! You'll find it works best on
people named "Peter", but what the hell, let it loose on your
Gramma, or your parole officer.
It is a film like this that gives us license to Euro-bash until
the sun goes down. Here we have represented Italy, England,
Sweden, Germany, and I believe Andorra. Mix these together in
Florida, with a cast and crew which collectively speak enough
English to purchase Budweiser and Moon Pies, give them skimpy
bathing suits and a bunch of camera equipment and you will
naturally produce enough Euro-bashing cannon fodder to last at
least two decades. What we do is as natural as your own hair.
Please click
here and enjoy this music while you read the next paragraph.
And finally, a salute to whatever PR officer signed the Coast
Guard up to bend WAY over and take it in the Stokes Basket for
this film. It seems that a full compliment of Coast Guard
helicopters was made available to this production without even a
faint hint of mob involvement. So the next time I make a
pathetic European movie involving stupid rubber monsters
terrorizing our waterways, I'll know who to call! Semper Paratus!
Your Humble Servant,
— Kevin Murphy
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