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Movie: Devil Doll:
Okay, you got a sour ventriloquist/hypnotist, a lady with the
bottom half of her butt hanging out of a skimpy costume, a
crabby vent figure containing the soul of a guy, another lady in
a skimpy costume, a mush-mouthed hero, a couple fellows with big
beards, some Germans, a whole herd of rich old ladies: and go!!
And... nothing.
A ventriloquist named The Great Vorelli with the most
unconvincing act this side of the Thames controls women, abuses
his dummy Hugo, and employs semi-voodoo to get his puny way.
That's really all you need to know. The leading man is another
fine example of our heroes who get themselves into a scrape and
then stumble out of it completely by accident.
There's a real darkness to this movie, too. You can't see a
thing.
It's so bad I don't feel like talking about it anymore.
North By Northwest, though, isn't that a great movie? To my
mind, it's the essential Hitchcock film. It's light, yet
genuinely tense; it showcases Cary Grant at his sexy middle-aged
height, it contains scene after scene so well-crafted as to defy
belief; it's funny, it's cool, it's got that 1950's color going
for it, it features the line "She really did get under your
skin, didn't she, Mr. Kaplan?" It's got Eve Marie Saint. The
auction scene alone is a masterpiece most directors could never
even imagine.
I guess what I'm saying is that North By Northwest is a
better move than Devil Doll. I'll be very surprised if
someone can convince me otherwise.
— Paul Chaplin
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Prologue:
Servo arranges a blow-out dorm drinkin' bash with speakers in
the window and everything, but all he can afford is a very nice
window. No beer, no speakers.
Segment 1:
Still residing in Ancient Rome, Pearl is bored by a "Welcome
Gods" party and tries to turn it into a toga party, which
understandably flops. Observer produces pants, and all enjoy a
pants party. On the SOL, Crow (having apparently drunk some
Nanite- produced beer) gets sloppy and abusive about "Debbie"
and punches in Servo's window.
Segment 2:
Crow consorts with Pitch, a very minor demon from the Comedy
Central years, who is selling very nice collectible "devil
dolls." Mike is horrified, which Crow really can't understand.
Segment 3:
Crow and Servo set up a real nice British pub for Mike, but the
excitement dies quickly as all wait and wait and wait for the
fantastically thick brew as it oozes ever so slowly into Mike's
glass.
Segment 4:
Pitch is back, teaching Crow how to transfer Servo's soul into a
hastily- assembled new Servo, a la the movie. Servo's going
along of course, but Mike is again horrified and Crow is again
upset that Mike is horrified. By the end, Servo has transferred
his own soul into a toaster pastry.
Segment 5:
Crow dresses Mike up as Hugo, the dummy from the movie, sticks
him in a cage and whispers insults about how he's not going to
feed him any ham, also like in the movie. (It's a weird movie.)
Servo shows up as a leggy toaster strudel assistant with its
butt hanging out. In Rome, all attend a fight at the Coliseum
featuring the Mad Goth: it's Bobo!!
Stinger:
Hugo the dummy attacks The Great Vorelli in a fever of punches.
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Upon reflection, I like this movie even
less now than I did a few minutes ago when I was writing the
first part.
Our hero (I forget his name and I guarantee so will you) travels
to Berlin at one point to interview a former Vorelli assistant,
a phase of her life I'm sure she highlights on her resume. She's
a dour German woman, rooming with a lumpy German guy. Having
grown up around a lot of German women, I have to say, German
women are in fact capable of smiling. They do nice things like
make Krumkache and Spaezel. So don't get the wrong idea about
German women from this one example. She was a real sourpuss.
Sometimes I get a little nervous about having repeatedly played
the role of a demon from Hell, even if it is all in fun. I
wonder if I might not be somehow inviting the Dark One into my
own soul? I sure hope not!
— Paul Chaplin
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