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Short: Once Upon A Honeymoon:
Produced for Bell
Telephone to show Americans how the telephone can help out in
everyday situations, or something—it's really hard to tell what
the film's message was supposed to be. A young couple is ready
to leave on a postponed (one year already!) honeymoon, but
they can't until the husband re-writes the "dreaming" song for
copper-bottomed ballerina diva Sonia. Thanks to inspiration from
the rotary dial of the telephone the husband, after smoking what
appears to be three packs of cigarettes, is able to finish the
song and the young couple is finally able to leave on their
honeymoon.
Movie: Night Of The Blood Beast:
The X-100 is returning home after kissing the cheek of outer
space, but something goes wrong. John, the test pilot, struggles
to control the craft as it plummets toward Earth. Matters are
not helped by his deployment of the drag chute while still high
in the atmosphere (somebody forgot to explain how air resistance
works to the astronaut). As the scene fades out, we are left to
believe that John has become one with the landscape.
Dave, the angry radio operator and rocket designer, and Donna,
team photographer, rush to the crash site. Amazingly, the
capsule is intact and a small hole in the side of the capsule
reveals John's corpse, also in one piece. Anyway, the radio man
calls the other searchers and tells them the news. When Julie,
the team's doctor and fiancée of the now dead test
pilot, and the others arrive, we are treated to an inhumanely
brief moment of mourning, because Dr. Wyman tells her to just
get over it.
After the revival of the dead astronaut, the discovery of
his impregnation with embryos that resemble shrimp, the
death of a scientist, and the base being completely cut off from
the outside world by an alien, the scientists finally begin to
suspect that something may be amiss and so will you when you see
that they are all being stalked by the very same monster Roger
Corman used at the end of experiment
0315 -
Teenage Caveman.
Said it before, say it again: Roger Corman just plain sucks.
Oh,
and watch for the beautiful mountains of Florida! Every glimpse
of the skyline in this movie is instant chuckles! |
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Prologue:
Crow and Tom inform Mike that they are "taking a very active
role in their personal security." Within seconds of Mike warning
the 'Bots to be careful with their taser guns, he is summarily
tased and then sprayed with peppercorn mace by a very frightened
Servo. Confusion erupts and Mike is continually blasted with
mace (although it has an uncanny resemblance to Silly String).
Segment 1:
Pearl Forrester surprises Mike and the 'Bots and then informs
them that they are invited to a little recital that she
suggested her son, Clayton, give. Looking incredibly
uncomfortable in a two-sizes too-small for his own modesty suit
and with his iconic wild hair tamed by an unknown slick
substance, Dr. Forrester proceeds to play his trombone very
poorly. Clearly disappointed, his Mother hits the bell of his
trombone repeatedly with a ruler. Back on board the SOL, Crow
tells the Forrester's, "That's not bad. Not bad at all. But
maybe you could try something a little more like this." He then
picks up his own trombone and plays it beautifully.
Mother Forrester then chides Clayton and tells him if he only
practiced more he could be like "Art." (Crow) Mother Forrester
strikes Clayton violently on the back of his head and again on
his trombone while he's playing it, causing a severe lip
bleeding and then walks off into the background mumbling in her
embarrassment.
Segment 2:
In an ode to "Mary" from the short "Once Upon A Honeymoon,"
Gypsy sings about things that she wishes she could have while
Mike accompanies her by playing a very, very small piano. Tom,
dressed as an angel, flies over and literally drops a bucket of
angel dust on Gypsy. Then the 'Bots, both dressed as angels,
make Gypsy's every phone wish come true.
Segment 3:
Mike and Servo are arm wrestling on the SOL. Mrs. Forrester
announces that Clayton has something to apologize for to Mike
and the 'Bots. Clueless as to what his mother is referring to as
the "high school incident," Dr. Forrester offers more than a few
guesses at it before asking, "Is it poop related?"
Within minutes, the scene in Deep 13 escalates to an all out
knife and gun fight between Clayton and his beloved mother;
advantage Mother Forrester with gun. After several expertly
placed shots, Clayton is disarmed of his knife and then retreats
into a run. Mrs. Forrester continues to blast away with her
sidearm and lands at least two direct hits on Clayton who
congratulates her on her "nice shooting." Only after drawing
blood from Clayton does she return her attention to Mike and the
'Bots and menacingly asks, or rather, tells them they are due
back in the theater. Mike and the 'Bots scramble in fear.
Segment 4:
Crow informs his mom (Gypsy) and Dad (Mike), and red guy (Tom)
that he has "lain with Blood Beast" and now he is pregnant. He
invites his "parents" and the red guy to see for themselves in
his phony fluoroscope, where he has taped some peel and eat
shrimp to the side. Crow then delivers a list of "demands" that
he feels is representative of the many comforts so often ceded
to pregnant women and their "free ride" during thier
pregnancies. His ruse quickly falls apart and then Crow delivers
a stinging indictment of pregnant women everywhere and to their
"ever-widening asses."
Segment 5:
Crow's next "free ride" target is babies and he systematically
begins to discount their "helpless" claims until Mike interrupts
and asks if he can read a couple of fan club letters. Crow
grudgingly complies. Mike reads the letters only to have Crow
constantly interject with his rant about babies. Down in Deep
13, Mrs. Forrester cradles Clayton (who is now sporting a sling
from their earlier knife and gun fight) in her lap like a baby.
Dr. Forrester rejects his mother calling him a baby, but she
quickly—and rather tightly—convinces him that he is indeed a
baby, and a naughty one at that.
Stinger:
Dr. Wyman remarks,
"A wounded animal that large isn't good."
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