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Movie Summary  Short: What To Do On A Date:  A primer on that awkward inter-gender socialization process, replete with timeless suggestions of things to do on a date, such as attending a weenie roast or a scavenger sale.  Movie: Swamp Diamonds:  Girls, boats, catfights, a man. A group of gal convicts led by lovely Beverly Garland escapes from a prison with the help of an undercover policewoman, in the hope that they will lead her to a cache of stolen diamonds in the bayou. They run into Touch "Before He Was Mike" Connors and his girlfriend, who are out for a canoe ride. The women take Touch and girlfriend hostage, and Touch thrives in captivity. After the girlfriend gets eaten by an alligator in what appears to be a completely different movie, Touch moves on with his life, is wooed by all the tough, man-starved gals, and falls in love with the undercover cop. Pants turn into short shorts and tops are tied up over midriffs, and there's lots of languid boat rides through the bayou. There's a shootout between Beverly and the other women, and Bev is shot while shooting a snake which is about to attack Touch. Just when the remaining ladies are about to kill Touch, there's another fight, the cop's true identity is revealed, she saves Touch, and they are deeply in love. — Mary Jo Pehl Host Segments  Prologue:  Tom and Crow obsess on the Elias Sandoval episode of Star Trek, and Joel must make "Spock" mad in order to get them out of it.  Invention:  In Deep 13, the Mads have invented the U-View, which shows the viewer what they might be doing if they weren't watching television. Frank could be having a game of touch football with Michelle Pfeiffer, Holly Hunter and Debra Winger. On the SOL, Joel and his compeers demonstrate the Andrew Lloyd Webber grill which quickly and efficiently burns any score by Andrew Lloyd Webber.  Segment 2:  Servo decides to ask Gypsy out. Crow and Joel offer some advice; Crow suggests avoiding the subject of war atrocities.  Segment 3:  Servo calls Gypsy and begs her for a date. Gypsy reluctantly accepts.  Segment 4:  Tom and Gypsy attend a scavenger sale arranged by Crow and Joel, and Tom bores Gypsy no end on their date. Crow moves in on Tom's turf.  Segment 5:  Servo tells Crow and Joel about the date, and decides to call Gypsy again. Gypsy just wants to "be friends." In Deep 13, Frank watches more of his life on the U-View, but Frank can't go up to Michelle Pfeiffer's apartment because he's got to get home to watch Baywatch.  Stinger:  Platinum blonde yells "Shut up!" Reflections "I'm not going back, Jim" was one of our favorite catchphrases around here, until we rented the video of that Star Trek episode and were stunned to realize that Spock never says that. The invention exchange draws heavily on our perverse fascination with Baywatch. — Mary Jo Pehl