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Movie Summary  Movie: Master Ninja II:  Same deal as experiment 0321 - Master Ninja I, a recycled 1984 TV show, with each "movie" consisting of two hour-long episodes. Basically. Max Keller (Timothy Van Patten) and John McAllister (Lee Van Cleef) roam the nation in a van. Again, they have a gerbil. They climb ropes. They help childlike women. In this one, the Kewpie doll vixens in need of aid are (a) a union organizer threatened by an evil canning tycoon: and (b) a senator's daughter kidnapped by an evil David McCallum. The reason Max is able to help all strata of society is his intrinsic understanding of humanity. Here, his inspiring plea on behalf of unions is undermined only slightly by the fact that nobody can understand a word he says. — Paul Chaplin Host Segments  Prologue:  Joel and the 'Bots do improv, with gypsy as the delighted though smallish audience. Crow: "Hi, Peter Gabriel!" Servo: "Hi, want some Cream of Wheat?" Joel: "Freeze!!"  Invention:  Dr. Forrester frustrates Frank with the Conveyor Belt Buffet, so fast-moving that Frank can't eat. The SOL demonstrates the (sort of) self-contained (sort of), self-sustaining habitat for gerbils, Gerbilsphere II.  Segment 2:  All the 'Bots design their own super-cool custom vans. Crow: "My van would have an ergonomically designed desk plus a shelf for all my reference materials...."  Segment 3:  Crow inspires the troops as General Timothy Van Patten. "Now I want you to remember, that no babesterb ebba wub a wor by dibilg fob igs cubendy...."  Segment 4:  Servo lectures on the proper animal sidekicks for TV detectives. "How about The Avengers?" "For Emma Peel a newt. For John Steed, Let's see...a spitting cobra or a duck."  Segment 5:  Joel and the boys demonstrate how proper clothing on Lee Van Cleef slims him down. On Earth, Frank salutes Monte Markham and urges ABC to bring back The Second Hundred Years.  Stinger:  Lee Van Cleef, slyly stroking a gerbil. Reflections A running plot in these things is McAllister's pursuit by his evil former Ninja students, chief among them a fellow named Okasa, played by Sho Kosugi. They serve chiefly as an annoyance. For instance, in the second half of this show a Japanese guy lurks meaninglessly at a party, and never figures in the plot. The other writers were quite excited by the presence of Sho Kosugi. I could never divine which Japanese guy was supposed to be Sho Kosugi—in fact I remain unconvinced he was in the show at all. Why is he often unmentioned in the credits? Yet I can't shake the notion there's something special about Sho Kosugi, whoever he is. Timothy Van Patten's predilection for truly young-looking women is embarrassing after a while. They all look like J-V cheerleaders. Which is fine—more than fine—but as you get older you need to branch out. Whether you want to or not, I mean: Society demands it. Late at night, when you're thinking about Lee Van Cleef, try not to picture the man you see here, working to make sense of Timothy Van Patten's grunts and mutterings. Any of God's children deserve judgment based on their highest work, and Lee Van Cleef was a big part of For A Few Dollars More, and The Good, The Bad And The Ugly. Not a perfect man, but a working man, and a man like any other. (0 Lord, be merciful to him, a sinner.) — Paul Chaplin