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Movie Summary  Shorts: Aquatic Wizards | Catching Trouble:  The first, a rather queer little piece on water skiing in which attractive women demonstrate water skiing and equipment. The second, a rather upsetting little piece in which game warden Ross Allen stalks wild animals in the Everglades to bring them to a zoo.  Movie : Teenage Caveman:  "Then came man!" announces the narrator in the beginning of Teenage Caveman. Robert Vaughn, the prototype for Kyle MacLachlan, plays a thirty-something teenage caveman, a rebel who discovers his seemingly prehistoric society is really a post-apocalyptic civilization. Even Robert Vaughn himself called it "one of the worst films of all time." Even though it was painstakingly crafted over the course of two days, it exceeds the legal limit of Jonathan Haze, and Roger Corman fully realizes its sole location. Approximately sixty minutes long, it manages to drag out to just under eight hours. — Mary Jo Pehl Host Segments  Prologue:  Joel, Crow, and Servo are bored out of their gourds, waiting out a rainy day on the SOL. And they can't find their Mousetrap game.  Invention:  Joel, Servo, and Crow create their own Rainy Day Epicacs: delicious combinations of chocolate milk and pickle juice and circus peanuts and blue cheese and a punch in the stomach. Frank and Forrester fight over who gets to present the invention exchange. It gets really ugly.  Segment 2:  The hunt is on to catch animal-hater Ross Allen, narrated by Servo. Crow and Joel manage to bag Ross, then it's hammer time.  Segment 3:  Joel prepares some artist renderings to teach Crow and Tom the history of technology. But wait-there's a labor management dispute in Deep 13, and Forrester and Frank struggle for a pair of scissors.  Segment 4:  The group discusses the struggle of progressive thinking throughout the ages. The movie shows that arch-conservatism existed even in prehistoric times!  Segment 5:  The awesome power of Roger Corman has been unleashed and Crow and Servo are the last survivors of a horrible movie-watching experiment. In Deep 13, the bruised and battered Mads share an International Coffee moment.  Stinger:  Some poor dope runs headlong into a tree. Ouch! Reflections Realizing as I do that a lot of these reflections tend to focus on the negative aspects of the movie in question, I am trying to find a positive thing to say about Teenage Caveman. And yet, between myself and my goal is a huge, cold granite wall named Frank De Kova. No other human, in any other film in our world's history, has ever been as loathsome as Frank De Kova was in this film. In fact, let me amend that by rescinding the limitation to filmdom. No other human ever in our world's history has ever been as loathsome as Frank De Kova. Eww. Then he went on to do F Troop. Ughh! And another thing—let's put an end to all this hooey that Roger Corman is somehow a respectable director just because he gave Jonathan Demme, Tobe Hooper, Joe Dante, Jack Nicholson, and Coppola their first breaks. Roger Corman is a horrible director. Now, it could be argued that he wasn't trying to make good films, just films that came in under budget, but that doesn't nullify the fact that his films are punishingly dreadful. Oh, great, now I'm way off my goal of trying to stay positive. It is of interest to note that Leonard Maltin's film guide gives this movie two stars out of a possible four. Kubrick's Lolita gets three. Unrelated but no less interesting is that Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo gets one and a half. — Mary Jo Pehl