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Short: Commando Cody: Radar Men From The Moon: Chapters
7 And 8
To sum up, Cody and his pal Ted get
beat up by Clayton Moore and his sidekick, taking twice as many
direct, bare-fisted punches to the jaw as George Foreman has in
his entire career, with no apparent damage or injury. Cody and
Ted heist a box of precious Lunarium and steal one of the Radar
Men's cumbersome plywood cars and try to get away, but the Radar
Men are better drivers and beat our heroes, then pants them and
drag their naked butts around the muddy practice field,
figuratively speaking. Stay tuned.
Movie: Project Moonbase:
It's way far in the future (1970) and
the space race is on! The free world's space program, run by the
embarrassingly named SPACOM, has built a Frisbee in high earth
orbit. Hayden Rorke, the guy who played Dr. Bellows on I Dream
of Jeannie, is in charge of the whole mess, and his first act is
to belittle and cajole his best pilot, Colonel Briteis, for no
other reason than that she is a woman. He even threatens to
spank her. After humiliating her, Dr. Bellows puts her in charge
of the "look but don't touch" moon mission. He appoints as her
copilot a guy named Bill who hates her because she's a woman.
Also on board is a counterfeit scientist who's actually a spy
bent on sabotage. The spy's complete lack of scientific
knowledge doesn't seem to raise any suspicions, so off they go
to the moon. The spy has no idea that Brooklyn is the home of
the Dodgers, basic information any spy since Stalag 17 ought to
know. Well, he cocks up the whole mess, the crew accidentally
lands on the moon, and the spy gets himself killed. Cool,
confident commander lady Briteis goes all rubbery and becomes
instantly and completely codependent on the loathsome Bill, who
becomes instantly attracted to the now simpering personality and
extremely pert breasts of Colonel Briteis. The world finds out
that they are living on the moon together, and the head of
SPACOM insists they get married to avoid scandal. In a last
pathetic act of subjugation, Colonel Briteis insists that the
macho Bill be promoted to general, so he'll outrank
his new wife and be able to boss her around and make her do
stuff she doesn't want to.
— Kevin Murphy
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Prologue:
Joel clean up the robots, reminds everyone of his predicament;
Servo is wedged tightly in a laundry basket.
Invention:
Joel uses turkey baster and two paddle-ball paddles to juggle
water; naturally everyone gets wet. The Mads develop the
"insect-a-sketch," combining an ant farm with the classic Ohio
Art's Etch-A-Sketch toy, narrowly evading a clear trademark
infringement.
Segment 2:
Servo, donning a Commando Cody costume, insists Joel carry him
around at arm's length and pretends he's flying. Crow, dressed
as the Radar Man Krog, gets whiny and tries to duke it out with
Tom.
Segment 3:
Inspired by the futuristically short necktie in today's feature,
Joel rants about a variety of nutty futuristic tie designs,
forcing the robots to model them.
Segment 4:
"It's SPACOM! The miracle home product you thought you'd never
need! Part wood, part industrial resin, part pasteurized
processed cheese food product!" Joel and the 'Bots have a ball
with a handful of slime, pretending it's SPACOM, a miraculous
new product which seems to do everything, and brother, I mean
everything.
Segment 5:
Viewer letters—read upside down.
Stinger:
None.
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Commando Cody had some of the most
convincing and stunning flying effects I have ever seen in a
movie before or since. Even Superman pales by comparison. How
did they do this? I'm convinced that the government had an
actual rocket pack that they lent to the production in order to
send a message to both the Commies and the Nazis that yes we are
ready and we're miles ahead of you in personal liquid-fuel
booster technology, so come on, Ivan, come on, Fritz, give us
your best shot!
As for Project Moonbase, the best thing I can
say about it is that it was very very short. Not since the
spanking scene in McLintock! has a movie been so openly and
condescendingly hostile toward women as a gender. Ironically,
they have an elderly woman playing the president at the end, but
this does not pay back the almost hateful concupiscence this
film has for its lead female character. On behalf of all men
everywhere, I heartily apologize for the fact that this movie
was ever conceived.
— Kevin Murphy
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